Pectoriloquy |

206 Old Bones FREE TO VIEW

Noel Doyle
Author and Funding Information

Editor’s Note: The author writes, “I am a retired US Army septuagenarian. When I learned that our human body has 206 individual bones, I decided to parody that fact into verse.”

Editor’s note for authors of submissions to Pectoriloquy: Poems should not exceed 350 words, should not have been previously published, and should be related to concerns of physicians and medicine. First submissions to the Pectoriloquy Section should be submitted via e-mail to poetrychest@aol.com. Authors of accepted poems will be asked to submit the final version to CHEST Manuscript Central.

Michael Zack, MD, FCCP

Reproduction of this article is prohibited without written permission from the American College of Chest Physicians. See online for more details.

Chest. 2014;145(3):661. doi:10.1378/chest.13-1356
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Published online

206 old bones can’t get out of bed,
  Arthritic hips and knees slow down my tread.
Pinching discs create a chiropractic need,
  Allergic sneezing, a now and then nosebleed.
Hear those cracks and creaks? My porosis is showing!
  And those moans and groans? The new status quoing!
In football terms I’m an aging audible.
  No complaints though, my signs are recordable.
Eyesight is failing, hearing on the wane,
  Balance uneven, often need a cane.
Colonoscopy showed no cause for concern,
  So why do I sense I’m soon due for an urn?
I watch my diet, cholesterol free.
  But blood pressure high, systolic one nine three.
With all these conditions I’m a cardiac mess,
  Pausing to worry just adds to the stress.
Centrum Silver helps to keep me together,
  And Glucosomine, a valued bellwether.
Use Aleve for aches, Viagra for “zing”,
  Got little blue pills for most everything.
I hope one day an octogenarian to be
  Though by then my prostate won’t let me pee.
Some day in the future when I’m tired and worn
  And my Medicare card is tattered and torn,
No doubt there’ll be cures—but by then I’ll be gone!




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